Bag End


Client: I want it gold… like the gold in the glitter I have here.

Me: What?

Client: I just faxed you the glitter. Use that color of gold.

Me: When you fax something you know the recipient receives a black print out.

Client: Oh, I’ll just mail it to you then.

Me: That’s okay - I can make this text on your website gold without the glitter.

Client: No, I’ll feel better if you can see what I’m talking about.

A few days later I received an envelope full of glitter.


Me: Hi, I’m just updating the copy for your form and was wondering if you meant to say ‘programs’ for the third question?

Client: NO. What I sent along was completely accurate, I wrote and edited it myself. Just copy it over exactly as it says, I’ll explain it nice and slowly for you. 

Me: ‘Please indicate which pogroms you’ve attended?’

Client: Yeah, that should be programs. 


My boss wanted something like a coat-of-arms for his logo. I showed him one with a lion, and he said “It’s been done before. We want to be unique”. So, I showed him one with a tiger instead, but he said “Not THAT unique. Tigers don’t belong on a coat-of arms. Can’t we find a middle-ground?” A week later, tired of redesigning the logo, I just literally found a middle-ground: I sent him one with a Liger.


Me: “The file is on your desktop.”

Client: “I’m not seeing it.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Client: “Positive. It isn’t here.”

Me: “Ok, hmm, that’s weird. I know that’s where I put it. Look at your desktop and tell me what you see.”

Client: “A keyboard, a mouse, two pens…”

“We definitely shouldn’t launch the site on labor day. We don’t know if that part of the internet is going to be open or not.”
— (via clientsfromhell)


Client: It says my username and password don’t match.

Me: Ok. Is the caps lock on?

Client: No.

Me: Are you sure? Because the password has to be in all lower case letters in order for it to work.

Client: I’m not stupid. The caps lock is not on. Just tell me how to fix my computer.

Me: Ok. Look right above the number pad on your keyboard. Are any of those lights lit?

Client: Yes, all of them, but that has nothing to do with the problem.