Client: I want it gold… like the gold in the glitter I have here.
Client: I just faxed you the glitter. Use that color of gold.
Me: When you fax something you know the recipient receives a black print out.
Client: Oh, I’ll just mail it to you then.
Me: That’s okay - I can make this text on your website gold without the glitter.
Client: No, I’ll feel better if you can see what I’m talking about.
A few days later I received an envelope full of glitter.
Me: Hi, I’m just updating the copy for your form and was wondering if you meant to say ‘programs’ for the third question?
Client: NO. What I sent along was completely accurate, I wrote and edited it myself. Just copy it over exactly as it says, I’ll explain it nice and slowly for you.
Me: ‘Please indicate which pogroms you’ve attended?’
Client: Yeah, that should be programs.
My boss wanted something like a coat-of-arms for his logo. I showed him one with a lion, and he said “It’s been done before. We want to be unique”. So, I showed him one with a tiger instead, but he said “Not THAT unique. Tigers don’t belong on a coat-of arms. Can’t we find a middle-ground?” A week later, tired of redesigning the logo, I just literally found a middle-ground: I sent him one with a Liger.
Me: “The file is on your desktop.”
Client: “I’m not seeing it.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
Client: “Positive. It isn’t here.”
Me: “Ok, hmm, that’s weird. I know that’s where I put it. Look at your desktop and tell me what you see.”
Client: “A keyboard, a mouse, two pens…”
Client: It says my username and password don’t match.
Me: Ok. Is the caps lock on?
Me: Are you sure? Because the password has to be in all lower case letters in order for it to work.
Client: I’m not stupid. The caps lock is not on. Just tell me how to fix my computer.
Me: Ok. Look right above the number pad on your keyboard. Are any of those lights lit?
Client: Yes, all of them, but that has nothing to do with the problem.